McSweeney’s just kills it on this one. And it makes us really think deeply about ourselves and what we have done in our past and what we will do in our future. Our favorite “classic rock” band is The Beatles, which in McSweney’s speak means we “can do exactly 1.5 pull-ups.” Which is true. Will we do cocaine off a copy of Type 2 Diabetes For Dummies? There is just so much time left in life, so much Diet Coke to drink. Here are some other greats from their list:
Ted Nugent: Your hair has at some point been caught in a ceiling fan, boat propeller, or lathe.
Deep Purple: Some part of a law named after a young girl applies to you.
Jimi Hendrix: You are under 20 or over 65.
The Kinks: You have bad teeth and are good in bed.
Black Sabbath: Your greatest joy is painting unventilated rooms.
The Eagles: You can only reach orgasm while listening to talk radio.
Quicksilver Messenger Service: You become sullen when people don’t stick around while you fix their vacuum cleaners.
Van Halen: You have a Peeing Calvin bumper sticker on your Jeep.
Journey: You own those running shoes that are shaped like feet.
Fleetwood Mac: You have snorted cocaine off a copy of The Hobbit.
Canned Heat: You own three stereos and no car.
Blue Oyster Cult: You have snorted cocaine off a copy of Type 2 Diabetes for Dummies.
From The Citrus Report