The Awl ranks the 60 greatest baseball names

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Have you ever heard of Orville Veal? He has the greatest baseball name in the history of the game, according to The Awl. Ebenezer Beatin, Josh Booty, John Dickshot all made it to the list. Darryl Strawberry made the list, as did Milton Bradley. But where is Dizzy Dean? Or Coco Crisp?

Harry Pyle made it in at 17. That is a shitty/great name.

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The 100 Greatest Movie Threats of All-Time

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In our mind, the greatest movie threat of all-time came from Willie Mays Hayes in a little film called “Major League.” Asked where the hell he thought he was going, Mays Hayes calmly says, “About 90 feet.” Badass. And then this guy made a short YouTube film on the 100 Greatest Movie Threats of All-Time. Pretty damn good.

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Did Scottie Pippen say LeBron could be better than Jordan?

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Just imagine Lebron in a Heat jersey here. Michael Jordan, widely known as the greatest player to ever play basketball, had a teammate, Scottie Pippen, known as one of the greatest wing-men in all of basketball. Pippen, after watching Lebron James dismantle the Chicago Bulls on Thursday night, said that Lebron has the chance to be better than Jordan.

“Michael Jordan is probably the greatest scorer to play the game,” Pippen said Friday on “Mike & Mike In The Morning” on ESPN Radio. “But I may go as far as to say LeBron James may be the greatest player to ever play the game because he is so potent offensively that not only can he score at will but he keeps everybody involved.

Did Scottie lose a bet? Did Michael not invite him to Vegas recently or something?

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Monta Ellis has a treet tattooed on his chest

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Monta Ellis, who plays for the Golden State Warriors, home of the greatest fans who are self-hating in the fact that they support one of the worst franchises in sports in terms of front office history and win-loss records, you know the things that matter, is a very good player and just got this tattoo on his chest.

As one of our favorite NBA writers, Kelly Dwyer, notes, “I suppose you can’t really call it ‘terrible,’ considering that this was intended to showcase some pride in his family, and because there’s a child involved. But it’s not … it’s not good, is it?

It’s impressive, I suppose. That had to take a while. There are several branches, and really thick roots. And while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, no matter the art-form, your initial, dubious response is probably the best one.”

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… And this is another song to cry to…

Not even that the song is sad, but Sigur Ros “Untitled 4″ is like cutting an onion: there is something in the guitar tone and the lead singer’s voice that causes your eyes to water. That and the fact that this is one of the greatest songs ever. We are sure someone is sad or longing or drifting on a glacier here.

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What your favorite classic rock band says about you, by McSweeney’s

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McSweeney’s just kills it on this one. And it makes us really think deeply about ourselves and what we have done in our past and what we will do in our future. Our favorite “classic rock” band is The Beatles, which in McSweney’s speak means we “can do exactly 1.5 pull-ups.” Which is true. Will we do cocaine off a copy of Type 2 Diabetes For Dummies? There is just so much time left in life, so much Diet Coke to drink. Here are some other greats from their list:

Ted Nugent: Your hair has at some point been caught in a ceiling fan, boat propeller, or lathe.

Deep Purple: Some part of a law named after a young girl applies to you.

Jimi Hendrix: You are under 20 or over 65.

The Kinks: You have bad teeth and are good in bed.

Black Sabbath: Your greatest joy is painting unventilated rooms.

The Eagles: You can only reach orgasm while listening to talk radio.

Quicksilver Messenger Service: You become sullen when people don’t stick around while you fix their vacuum cleaners.

Van Halen: You have a Peeing Calvin bumper sticker on your Jeep.

Journey: You own those running shoes that are shaped like feet.

Fleetwood Mac: You have snorted cocaine off a copy of The Hobbit.

Canned Heat: You own three stereos and no car.

Blue Oyster Cult: You have snorted cocaine off a copy of Type 2 Diabetes for Dummies.

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Rap Charts

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We don’t like to make too many proclamations, but the people at JamPhat.com have made the greatest contribution to our ironic scale than any other site in 2011. This is like the most incredible. Even if you have no idea or use for hip-hop lyrics, you will find enjoyment in this. Go to the link about for about 70 more. —The Citrus Report Staff

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