Thank God the FBI wasted time on this: Man arrested in connection with naked Scarlett Johansson photos

93a5be97edne pic.jpg Thank God the FBI wasted time on this: Man arrested in connection with naked Scarlett Johansson photos whatever doesn time on trying The Citrus Report scarlett johansson scarlett not entitled headlines hacking florida flash fbi citrus report actor or make

“Who doesn’t want to protect their own privacy? Just because you’re an actor or make films or whatever doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to your own personal privacy,” says Scarlett. Don’t make movies than if you want to be private you moron. Glad the FBI wasted time on trying to track down the “hacker” behind Scarlett’s nude photos. Of herself. Shooting her own ass. She called the hacking act by some lonely 30-something from Florida who was arrested as an “unjust” invasion of privacy. Its unjust that the FBI had to deal with this.

From The Citrus Report

Posted By The Citrus Report

Have a virtual trash-talker during March Madness

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If your bracket is anything like ours, you are feeling halfway good, halfway like you would like to thank you Notre Dame for blowing it right now versus Florida State, then maybe you need StatSheet‘s new app, StatSmack. That’s right, “Stat Smack can find the numbers that show how any team is superior to another. A few selections in a drop down window, a click of a button, and you’ll get a detailed list of facts that show why your team would dominate your friend’s team if the two ever met for a game.” Um, why did we not find this out until the round of 16? This would have been so much better during the VCU vs. Georgetown game on Friday night.

From The Citrus Report

Posted By The Citrus Report

Gaddafi can’t get along with Libyans, but we got dolphins saving dogs stuck in canals

36d9ccd42alphins.jpg Gaddafi can’t get along with Libyans, but we got dolphins saving dogs stuck in canals the dolphins The Citrus Report saved the dog owner told News headlines gaddafi from the animal florida dolphins saved dolphins dogs culture citrus report animal

When in doubt, leave it to the dolphins. When a dog had been stuck in a canal for over 15 hours in Marco Island, Florida, it wasn’t people that saved the dog, it was dolphins who splashed and splashed until it got someone’s attention. As the dog’s owner told local news, “‘The lady here who had gotten him out of the canal said, ‘No, the dolphins were with him’.” Wow.

Fucking dolphins saved a dog’s life. And Gaddafi can’t even get along with his own Libyan people? What we can learn from the Animal Kingdom.

From The Citrus Report

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A mysterious piano shows up in Biscayne Bay, Florida

Posted from The Citrus Report

0977adec9deLarge.jpg A mysterious piano shows up in Biscayne Bay, Florida the weekend The Citrus Report piano perched upright perched headlines grand piano florida elton john biscayne bay

In one of the more bizarre news stories we have seen in months, a grand piano was found perched upright on a narrow sand bar in Biscayne Bay, Florida. What people didn’t realize that in a major cocaine high over the weekend, Elton John demanded a grand piano be placed in a bay somewhere in the world for him to play when he does a duet with Liberace. We kid, but we try…

Posted By The Citrus Report

Rose Bowl? We tried, but it is just not the same without the Pac 10

Posted from The Citrus Report

9bab37d068sebowl.jpg Rose Bowl? We tried, but it is just not the same without the Pac 10 world series world stopped making ROSE pac 10 moves on behalf headlines florida citrus report big ten ARIZONA

Look, TCU vs Wisconsin is fine and dandy, but wouldn’t we all rather see Pac 10 vs the Big Ten, as in, USC vs Michigan, or UCLA vs Wisconsin? Why are we so hell-bent to ruin tradition in this country? Like the Rose Bowl didn’t make money before, and if for some reason it stopped making money then it has nothing to do with football but crappy business moves on behalf of corporate morons. Look at Wall Street II, everything you need to know about the world is in Gordon Gekko and Shia Labeouf.

Let’s get the American traditions back in order. Let’s keep the World Series in October, let’s not have Arizona and Florida hockey teams, and let’s have the Rose Bowl back to normal.

Posted By The Citrus Report

Josh’s trip to Miami 3 of 3

This is it peoples, my last Miami Blog post!  So as I was tellin you guys Florida sucks unless you’re a Cubin Coke Lord, or a dumb ass spring breakster drinking yourself to STD sleep. If not ,you’re probably old, fat and/or moist. So, me and my mom dukes needed to break away from the oldies and did so on an almost not so enjoyable trip to South Beach. This mecca of supposed party paradise has taken a turn for the lame and fucked up as well. Like the rest of the city there are alot of empty stores and homes. There are actually some cool museums down there. One is the Florida Museum of Art and Design which, believe it or not, has some pretty good shows. Another is the Bass Museum of Contemporary Art. So here is a vague play by play of our final adventure, in Miami.

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Me and Mom waiting for our ride.

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An amazing store that has only been open for three months is the Taschen Store. They have some very expensive books but if you can muster up between $100 and $2,000 to buy one it will be worth it. One was the Helmut Newton book which is an oversized photo book that comes in a box. It is printed in color and showcases some of his best work. It has lots of naked girls and color photos that come from old films like kodacolor and kodacrome. The point is the colors were off the hook. Another great book on display was a book of photos from the film Taxi Driver. Some of the C-prints were also on display in the store. They were really amazing, also shot on old film so the colors are really great. There is one notable portrait of Jodie Foster when she is like 14 and it is fucken hot. Check them out on line….

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Some of the remaining retro achitecture that is becoming scarce in south florida.

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Ok ,so this is it. Only  an hour to catch our plane and we began to breath again.

Posted from Battle at 3 A.M.

Josh’s trip to Miami, 2.1 of 3

Ok so I got cut off in that last post because I am stealing internet from one of my neighbors and when you do that you cant predict a lot of things, like getting cut off from the www and stuff like that.  As I was saying, people move to Florida to die and live in this 50′s movie about paradise and beach views blah, blah, blah. Back to my point that Florida is no paradise. There are a shit load of cars and it is so humid you can’t breath here. There are a lot of people on walkers and Italian tourists who have style but in a very corny way.

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So like in the last post these here are some pictures of the social structure of old people in Florida. It is basically like High School, all the cliques sit at their own lunch tables talking crap about people at other tables and exchanging glances. Of course there are the cooler ones and each table has a leader.

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I believe they call this the Atlantic Ocean.

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Is Florida not pretty?  Yea I wanna go here to die, or not!

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Actually I would like Florida to get destroyed by a natural disaster, and then I would like to go live here. It would be like Battle Ship Island 300 miles off the coast of Japan, which is basically an entier city on an island that is totaly abandoned and falling apart. Maybe I wont need a natural disaster to have Florida be like that. The economy and all the buildings they built just get emptier and emptier every time I go there. And the climate there fucks shit up real good and real fast so maybe it will happen naturally.

All this old people and depressing crap wearing on my mom and I so in the next post we will escape to South Beach.

To be continued……..

Posted from Battle at 3 A.M.

Josh’s trip to Miami 2 of 3- Chillin with Gram Dukes, Ron and a bunch of old people

85ceeaefd50x1200.jpg Josh’s trip to Miami 2 of 3  Chillin with Gram Dukes, Ron and a bunch of old people waitress some old old people miami local strip joshua blank florida enjoy the fine deafly boyfriend

This is my Grandma and her boyfriend Ron. They frequently enjoy the fine dinning Miami has to offer. Ron has a shit load of money in his bank but never tips. Moreover he likes to be waited on and will give very specific directions on how to cook his food in terms that he makes up as he goes. Ever heard of three minute eggs? Well neither had our waitress.

d3c7b636270x1200.jpg Josh’s trip to Miami 2 of 3  Chillin with Gram Dukes, Ron and a bunch of old people waitress some old old people miami local strip joshua blank florida enjoy the fine deafly boyfriend

17d7fadee10x1200.jpg Josh’s trip to Miami 2 of 3  Chillin with Gram Dukes, Ron and a bunch of old people waitress some old old people miami local strip joshua blank florida enjoy the fine deafly boyfriend

d0f375f0ec0x1200.jpg Josh’s trip to Miami 2 of 3  Chillin with Gram Dukes, Ron and a bunch of old people waitress some old old people miami local strip joshua blank florida enjoy the fine deafly boyfriend

This lady was from egypt. She thought she was very fancy….

7c7304e3ae0x1200.jpg Josh’s trip to Miami 2 of 3  Chillin with Gram Dukes, Ron and a bunch of old people waitress some old old people miami local strip joshua blank florida enjoy the fine deafly boyfriend

There are some pretty old people in my grandma’s building. This lady is 98  and she said there is another guy who is 101.  This lady was trying to tell us not to go to some Italian restaurant because it “made her deafly Ill”.

04462bed6e0x1200.jpg Josh’s trip to Miami 2 of 3  Chillin with Gram Dukes, Ron and a bunch of old people waitress some old old people miami local strip joshua blank florida enjoy the fine deafly boyfriend

You can tell there are a lot of old people when there are adult diaper stores in all your local strip malls.

c4263aab710x1200.jpg Josh’s trip to Miami 2 of 3  Chillin with Gram Dukes, Ron and a bunch of old people waitress some old old people miami local strip joshua blank florida enjoy the fine deafly boyfriend

People move to florida to live their last days in an apparent paradise

Posted from Battle at 3 A.M.

Josh’s Trip to Miami 1 of 3

Ok so, to my behest, I had to go to Miami; the most humid place in the world, to visit my family. There is really nothing interesting at all that goes on there. Moreover, it is the most boring place I’ve ever been too. So please bare with me as I relay this trip to you in three parts:

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The flight to florida was super fast, only four hours and forty five minutes. My mother and I arrived early in the morning to a very humid climate. Both of us were overdressed for the occasion.

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Miami is a city of cars; if you don’t have a car you can’t really go anywhere without waiting a long time for a bus or a ride from your homie. Because there are so many cars, and the roads are so big, there are a lot of accidents. We were reminded of this on our way downtown.

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This is one of my uncles! We have a strange relationship. Whenever I see this guy it is really awkward. All he talks about is his luxury jewelry business and money, money, and money.  I couldn’t wait for my reunion with him to end.

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After that we met with my aunt to go thrifting and to eat cuban food. We drove through the ghetto to go to some ghetto thrift shops, which turned out to be very over priced and have lots of over sized clothes. There are lots of fat people in Florida.

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This rare sight used to make florida worth visiting

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This is another reason to go to Florida: the Cuban food is cheap and off the wall like Michael Jackson. This was our waitress. She kind of brought us more food then we ordered and charged us for it. She also acted impressed when we spoke to her in spanish. She was just playing us!!

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Vacated properties are becoming more and more common around South Florida. Not only is this car seemingly abandoned but that huge building behind it is as well.

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My mom is a photographer too.

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This place was off the hook……

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This parrot was in one of the thrift shops we visited.

To be continued . . .

Posted from Battle at 3 A.M.